GUWAHATI JAM

Blame it on the fact that I had slept through my dinner or that I just had a lovely dream about having jelly beans, but the other day I thought about making jelly. Bearing in mind that I’m a Guwahatian, I decided upon preparing the local flavor called Ghy jelly. Now the problem is, Assam being the land of lahe-lahe with Guwahatians in particular overwhelmingly preferring jam over jelly, I had serious doubts about whether my jelly would be popular among my fellow denizens. At last after much dilly-dallying I resigned myself to vox populi and eventually decided upon making a Ghy jam instead. The recipe for the Ghy jam is as simple as A, B, C; all you need is a person who morphs into a zombie the moment he rev up his vehicle. That person may be a Nobel Laureate or a school dropout doesn’t matter at all, what matters is the unfailing adherence to the motto, “This is MY city, MY road”.  With such a kind of person on the road, the jam is just about ready in a couple of minutes or so. Whenever the roads open up a bit & cars break their usual lahe-lahe pace these zombies come to the city’s rescue by making sure that the jam isn’t spoiled. For doing so, they possess some peculiar tricks at their disposal. All of a sudden they might swerve their vehicles on to the wrong side of the divider or park it in the middle of the road or try driving it while picking up an important call from the US President. That’s all it takes to make the sinister scheme of a few of preparing jelly instead go kaput. As cars keep on stacking one after the other often resembling kilometer long horizontal skyscrapers the zombie at the helm of it all is too humble to accept the honor of being the torch-bearer of such a huge movement. Soon other zombies join him in his efforts by filling up the numerous by-lanes chock-a-block or trying to squeeze in their vehicles between two already standing ones on the road. Any last-minute hitches of spoiling the jam are all but gone now. The zombies save the day once again as they re-establish the usual lahe-lahe norm of the city and help me in preparing a classic Ghy jam. The Ghy jam is very versatile; roundabouts, flyovers, highways, or any other road for that matter can be taken as a medium for preparation. Do not be worried if you hear things like ‘construction of new flyovers to ease jam’ or ‘high level meeting held by the district administration to chalk out a plan for the smooth flow of traffic’. Take my word for it: even if they cover the whole of Guwahati with flyovers or make roads as wide as the Brahmaputra, as long as you have an ample stock of die-hard Guwahati loving zombies you will make a wonderful jam. Personally, I would have preferred jelly because it flows so smoothly and effortlessly but then it’s Guwahati, the city ruled by zombies and till they exist, it’s better to keep my jelly making plans jammed firmly inside my head.

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